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Friday, February 15, 2019

The Types of Prejudice and How to Recognize Them by Their Micro-Aggressions

Types of Prejudice and How to Recognize Them by Their Micro-Aggressions


February, though the month of love, is also Black History Month. It is a time to reflect on how far we have come as a society with being accepting of African-Americans and people who are generally different. However, it is also a time to consider how far we still need to go. Racism is a social system that many of us participate in indirectly. When we see inequality and we refuse to speak up about, we have helped to perpetuate that inequality.

It is, however, impossible to speak up about inequality when we do not know what it is exactly. Inequality is the unequal treatment of particular people based on superficial characteristics about them, especially those that they are unable to change. This article will specifically discuss the different types of prejudices and how to recognize them by their micro-aggressions.

Micro-aggressions are seemingly harmless statements and actions that subtly work to perpetuate negative stereotypes about a group of people. This could be in the form of jokes or covert actions that the sayer or doer is not even aware of.


1. Racism

This may be the most famous one, especially during February. Racism is when people are treated differently because they are a different race. Systemic racism is when laws are put in place to make sure that certain people cannot advance in society.

Micro-Aggressions that are used to perpetuate racism include:

  • Seeing something that is ill-mannered or overly-aggressive and saying “That is so black”
  • Attributing particular genres of music to particular races and excluding others from that genre
    • Rap is black music Iggy Azalea cannot participate
    • Country is white music and K. Michelle cannot participate
  • Saying “You speak like a white person” when a black person, or non-white person, speaks properly.


2. Sexism

Sexism is when people are treated differently on the basis of being a woman or man.

Micro-Aggressions that are used to perpetuate sexism include:

  • Telling guys that they are acting like girls when they show emotion
  • Telling women that they are overreacting because of their hormones or menstrual cycle (especially if sayer is completely unaware of the women’s menstrual cycle)
  • Blaming women for sexual assault because of their choice in clothing
  • Not taking men’s sexual assault claims seriously because they are men
  • Assuming that men and women could not do certain things because of their gender


3. Ageism

Ageism is when people are treated differently on the basis of being a certain age. Recently, the age group that has been getting a lot of hate are millennials, born between 1980 and 1995.

Micro-Aggressions that are used to perpetuate sexism include

  • Infantilizing Millennials (making people view them as children or infants when they are adults). Saying things like “These kids today” when talking about millennials.
  • Assuming that because of someone’s age, they will not know about certain topics or how to do certain things
    • “You’re 21, what do you know about love?”
    • “You’re like 50, do you even know how to use a smart phone?”
  • Refusing to consider applicants for a job or program who are of a certain age


4. Xenophobia

Xenophobia is when people are treated differently because they are from a different location. This could be as of big a difference as a different country or as small of a difference as a different city.

Micro-Aggressions that are used to perpetuate xenophobia include

  • Making negative associations with people from different areas.
    1. “Dominicans are always angry”
    2. “You’re from Africa? Do you hunt lions”
  • “Oh, you are from the south? You must be uneducated, did you graduate high school?”
  • Mimicking fake accents from different places as a way to belittle the people from those places


5. Religious Prejudice

Religious prejudice is when people are treated differently because of their religion. The most famous form of this is Islamophobia (the mistreatment of Muslims), and Anti-Semitism (the mistreatment of Jews) because of their religion.

Micro-Aggressions that are used to perpetuate religious prejudice include

  • Assuming that any religion that differs from yours is wrong or a lie
  • Assuming that all Muslims are terrorists
  • Assuming that all Christians hate homosexuals
  • Joking about and mimicking religious traditions and practices as a way to belittle the people of that religion


6. Sexual Orientation Discrimination

Sexual orientation discrimination is when people are treated differently on the basis of identifying as a certain sexual orientation. The most common form is homophobia which is discrimination against homosexuals.

Micro-Aggressions that are used to perpetuate sexism include

  • Labeling platonic affection between friends of the same sex as “gay”
  • Labeling undesirable things as gay
  • Making “gay jokes” in general
  • Assuming that because a male is gay, he is not allowed to be masculine
  • Assuming that if a woman is gay she is not allowed to be feminine
  • Assuming that sexuality is connected to physical ability or emotional stability


7. Classism

Classism is when people are treated differently on the basis of their social class. This could be due to the neighborhood the people live in or the amount of money that the people have

Micro-Aggressions that are used to perpetuate classism include

  • Assuming that people who are apart of a lower income class are uneducated
  • Assuming that people who live in the inner city are thugs or dangerous
  • Assuming that people who live more expensive neighborhoods are rich or stuck up
  • Refusing to work with people from different class


Question of The Week:

Have you ever experienced discrimination? What was done or said?


Answer by Tabitha Barron, Owner of KYKS – Keeping Your Kids Safe | Facebook Website

I successfully completed a phone interview, and [the interviewer] said [that] I pretty much had the job and invited me to complete the process onsite. I drove 16 hours with 2 children in the car. When I arrived, the receptionist called to inform [the interviewer] that I was there. [The Interviewer] came out, looked [at me, a black woman], and returned behind closed doors. [The receptionist] informed me the job was no longer available and my interview had been canceled.


Answer by Gregory Wilson, Musician |  Website

I was fortunate enough to be a High School Junior on an overnight pre-college program [trip]. [We went] to an Ivy League school. It was a beautiful campus [and] awesome experience. We had been treated to go see a movie and had the management report [us] and threaten to call police on us, because they felt threatened by our presence. We were a mix of black and brown kids. All excited because it was the new action film out and had all the subsequent privileges taken away

I think, I am pretty accustomed to racism and violence in my city… but I think what hurt from me about this was that for some part of me I was expecting that people in a college Town where progressive thoughts are consistently being talked about would somehow have more understanding and empathy only to be proven wrong 


Answer by SK Samuruddin, Blogger | Facebook | Pinterest | Website

Yes, of course. Whenever you are on the internet, people see Indians in a [lower] manner, we all are aware of that. If you ask me personally, no. I have never been there. One of the classic cases [which we may all s be aware of is when] PewDiePie released a diss track against T-Series, but the lyrics are specially targeted towards us [Indians], and we are aware of that. [At the] end of the day, it was portrayed that Indians couldn't take sarcasm. In these days, social media, prejudice has become a new trend to [bring discrimination] to limelight and gain publicity.



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Final Thoughts

It is important that we not only be able to recognize overt racism, but that we recognize the micro-aggressions that perpetuate discrimination and make room for systemic racism. The answers above are from real people who have experienced discrimination and prejudice and were brave enough to share their stories. I would like to thank those people for being a light that shines through the darkness though others have tried to dim it.

I ask all my lovelies to keep an eye out for discrimination and if you see something, say something.

Friday, February 8, 2019

Love Is

Love Is. . .



Last week we spoke about what love is not. This week we are speaking about what love is. With 7 days until Valentine’s Day, I think this topic is just in time. The list below contains 7 characteristics of love. If your love life is lacking any of these characteristics, I challenge you to think critically about whether you are experiencing true love.




Love Is…


1. Scary

When you love, you give someone power over your heart to break it. That’s a scary feeling. Many of us want to be in control of our feelings and emotions. The truth is, when we begin to fall in love, we usually trust that people will not break our heart. Of course, over time that trust could wither, as I mentioned in a previous post (Love Is Not), and that is essentially what makes love so scary; the thought that someone could break your trust and cause you to experience a pain like no other.


2. Relentless

When you love someone, you do not give up easy. Love will cause you to stay and try again to make it work. In toxic situations, of course, it is okay to leave, and I encourage walking away. However, when all it takes is some communication and compromise, Love is worth relentless pursuit.


3. Invaluable

When you love someone, you handle their heart as carefully as you would an item that is impossible to replace. Essentially, their heart is impossible to replace. I personally look at love as a blessing from God. I believe it is given to me by God, so I am careful to take care of it.

Whether you believe in God or not (your choice), I am sure that there is something in your life that you value and that could not be replaced. Treat your partner’s heart the same way as you would this item.


4. Patient

When in love, you will not pressure your partner into things that they are not ready for. You will wait patiently. This may include sex, children, a career change, etc. This is not to say that a gentle nudge of encouragement is wrong, but when it is clear that they are not ready, you will wait patiently.

However, it is also important to set standards for yourself. If you are ready for something that your partner is absolutely not ready for, and may never be ready for, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. If waiting compromises your long-term happiness, move on. If you do not mind waiting, stay. However, the pressure on your partner will only make them repel against your desires even more. This is especially true if you are dating someone with anxiety. To read more on that topic click the link.


5. Freeing

The best part of being in love was the freedom in being my complete self with my partner. I did not have to pretend to be something that I was not in order to fit in. I did not have to filter out my slang or think of the politically correct way to say things. I could be silly, serious, curious, or a total nerd, and that was fine. I could lay next to my partner in silence and that was fine. Everything was fine. I was completely free.


6. Altruistic

Altruism means doing a good deed without the expectation that you will get something in return. Love is truly altruistic. When in love, you want your partner to be happy and successful. You do things for them because you love them, not because they will pay you back.

I want to clarify that if the relationship is one-sided or toxic, then altruism does not apply here. If you are only giving and never getting anything in return, you may be experiencing some early signs of abuse. Here are 10 Signs of Domestic Abuse if you need it.


7. The Best Feeling in the World

Overall, love is the best feeling in the world. It may be scary, but once you take the chance to fully experience and embrace it, love becomes something you do not ever want to let go.

I often hear "love hurts." I will make the argument that love it the best feeing in the world, and what actually hurts, is the absence of love.



Question of The Week:

How would you define love?


Answer by SK Samuruddin | Facebook | Pinterest | Website

Love (the feeling) can't be explained in [only] a few words. Love for me is when you unconditionally think good about someone. That's love! You keep thinking about them whatever you do, wherever you go. Love is a feeling which will keep you motivated [when you are the most] frustrated and lost, it’s a feeling, which [goes beyond] physical contact.


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Final Thoughts

Love is beautiful and magical. Though scary, it is not something we should avoid. We should fully embrace it and take every measure to protect it.

Happy Valentine’s Day, My Lovelies.

I pray that it is full of love in the truest and purest sense.



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Friday, February 1, 2019

Love Is Not...



We made it through the first month of 2019 Guys! First, let’s take this time out to give ourselves credit for making it through the first month, we worked on redefining ourselves (Remember this is an ongoing process), we learned signs of abuse, and we learned how to be supportive of a partner with relationship anxiety.

February is the month of love! I will talk next week about what love is, but I think it is important to talk about what love is not first. Many people confuse love with behaviors and feelings that are connected to love, but not synonymous with love.

Below is a list of 7 things that are commonly confused for love, but is NOT love


Love Is Not. . .



If I had a dollar for every time I have heard the lie, “You cannot love someone if you do not trust them” I might be rich. This is utterly false. Do you have a sibling? Or a family member you are close to and is around your age? Do you love them? If yes, would you trust them in EVERY context? Probably no!

I have a niece that is a teen. I love her with all my heart and would go to war for her. However, when I leave, I lock my door because I do not trust her not to rummage through my hair supplies or skin products. She has proven herself to be untrustworthy in that particular context, but I do not love her any less




There is absolutely NOTHING you could do to make someone love you. You could be the best lover in the world; you could be by their side through the toughest financial and health situations; but the decision to love you back rests entirely upon them.

Do not question your value or worth as a lover but understand that sometimes we simply will not be what another person wants. Some people like their jewelry from Kay Jewelers and some from Claire’s. It’s 100% their choice, if they do not choose an authentic, valuable lover.




Love does not wax and wane with the passing of days. It is impossible for someone to constantly alternate between “They love you,” and “they love you not”. Love is a consistent action.

People also consistently make time for what they genuinely love. If there is extreme inconsistency in your partner’s willingness to make time for you (even 10 minutes out of their day), it is likely that they do not love you. Working adults are busy, but a 10-minute call or quick text to say “Hey baby, I was thinking about you and just wanted to remind you that I love you” is more than sufficient.




Under no circumstance, could someone who loves you knowingly abuse you, while fully aware that they are hurting you. This includes physical, emotional, mental, sexual and financial abuse. There is no justification or argument for this one.


*NOTE: If you need help identifying the signs of abuse, please CLICK HERE




When you are in love, you will know it.”. There will be no question about it. It is a feeling unlike no other. It’s blissful, fulfilling, and empowering. It motivates you to be better and want more. Anything less is not love. If you have to question it, it is not love. If someone else has to question their love for you, that is not love.




I am a millennial, so I feel confident in saying that our outlook on love has shifted for the worse. It is shameful to fall in love. It is not a crime or a sign of weakness to let your guard down. Falling in love is powerful and takes strength. You have to be a strong person to give someone power over your heart that way and trust yourself to heal and survive if they ever break it.

Everyone wants to be promiscuous or simply “talk and see where it goes,” but they put roadblocks up to stop themselves from going down a path of love.

Love is beautiful and magical. It is nothing to be ashamed of. When you truly find it, embrace it.




After all of this, it is important to realize that love may also not be enough to sustain a relationship on its own. Love needs to work in harmony with the 4 C’s for a successful relationship: commitment, consistency, communication, and comfort.




Final Message

I wish you the best this February, whether you are in love, in an unrequited love affair, actively searching for love, or on a love hiatus. Whatever the case, it is important to recognize what love is not. I will meet you back here next week to discus what love actually is.




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The Types of Prejudice and How to Recognize Them by Their Micro-Aggressions

Types of Prejudice and How to Recognize Them by Their Micro-Aggressions   February, though the month of love, is also Black History Mont...